Yesterday, a familiar friend complained to me that he couldn’t find a girlfriend. He was a little distressed. He was in a hurry at home, but he didn’t know how to communicate with girls. He was a little introverted.
In fact, there is no lack of one or even several such people around us. People who are familiar with them may feel that they are gentle and sincere, but once they meet strangers, they will be at a loss or even say nothing.
We call this type of people introverted.
Eysenck Personality Questionnaire describes the typical introverted personality as: quiet, eccentric, introspective, like to be alone rather than contact people. Be conservative and keep a certain distance from others (except close friends).
In fact, there are more and more introverts, both girls and boys, who are more likely to be active in their own inherent circle. Once they enter a new environment, they will be difficult to integrate.
For this kind of single people, we often like to attribute the reason why they are single to “too honest”, “introverted” and so on.
Nowadays, “introversion” has become the biggest obstacle for many older single youth. They can’t integrate into new circles and can’t communicate with the opposite sex normally. As a result, they become more and more introverted and even begin to give up love and embrace being single.
However, are these people single because they are introverted?
“Wow, you’re too good”, “this is delicious”, “I find you so beautiful today”
Express your true emotions and don’t deliberately suppress them. This behavior is not to communicate in essence, but simply express your feelings.
But this kind of behavior will make others receive your feedback, especially when the feedback is positive and positive, your emotions will make the other party pay more attention to you and want to pay attention to you.
I don’t know if you have found a problem. When a group of people chat together, the speaker prefers to look at the people who pay attention to him.
If you keep your head down, others won’t care about you or even dislike you; But if you keep staring at the other person and show a serious listening attitude, you will receive a positive response.
When communicating with the opposite sex, this method is also applicable. Don’t always hold your mobile phone and don’t let go. You seem to be listening to what the other party says, but it will make the other party feel that you are not respected.
Expressing our emotions reasonably is actually an effective way to lead to the topic. When we don’t know what to talk about, we can express our emotional changes according to the surrounding environment, the delicious food on the table and so on.
If you want to integrate into a strange circle, you don’t have to be optimistic and outgoing. As long as we treat everyone equally and respectfully, you have won the recognition of most people.
In fact, it is not that we lack the circle we can integrate into, but the skills and methods of how to integrate into the new circle.
We might as well think about why even introverts can express themselves very smoothly in their own circle, and even become “social experts”? Is it because they are familiar with each other? Obviously not, because we are not stingy with our emotions.
To put it another way, expressing your emotions sincerely is also a way to show yourself to others, making it easier for others to understand you and helping you better attract people with the same quality.
So there are three benefits of expressing emotions:
Convey information: convey your good intentions to others, give positive feedback to others, and let others feel respected and concerned from your emotions.
Self expression: show your most real character in front of others, so that others can better understand yourself and find “like-minded” people.
Respect and equality: we integrate into the new circle in exchange for the equal treatment of others. Before that, we need to express our respect for others.
Introverts are indeed more difficult to get a sense of existence in social situations. Many times, they tend to become a “transparent person” and act as a listener.
Therefore, facing up to our own personality is the first step for us to understand ourselves.
Introverts are more likely to think
Why do introverts have great differences between the Internet and reality?
Introverts chat on the Internet, often with humor and great personal charm, and are deeply loved by the opposite sex; But once they meet in reality, introverts’ own shortcomings will be exposed, not only their performance will be restrained and rigid, but even their EQ will decline seriously.
In fact, the main reason is that we can have more time to think and respond through online chat; In reality, instant communication requires us to respond immediately.
Introverts in this scenario are easy to be tied up, afraid that if they express themselves incorrectly, they will be despised by others, or lead to the failure of a blind date.
The more you think about it, the more afraid you are of making mistakes, and the less you want to express it, which creates a vicious circle and is gradually marginalized by the circle.
Introverts don’t know what to say
In a wine game, extroverts can often grasp the rhythm of the whole game and push cups for lamps, which can not only make others happy, but also avoid coldness. What such people say always makes people feel “particularly wonderful”.
Introverts, on the contrary, sit still most of the time, thinking about how to speak more perfectly. When a wine bureau is over, he can’t think of a reason.
Relevant studies have pointed out that introverts mainly rely on two strategies when communicating:
Self monitoring strategy: habitually ponder your speech from the perspective of others, and repeatedly revise, supplement and restate your speech to ensure that your expression is appropriate and in line with expectations.
Interactive strategy: confirm whether the other party has kept up with the rhythm of their expression, understood the content of their expression, and whether their speech is wrong by asking questions, requesting and repeating the other party’s speech.
This is the fundamental reason why introverts can’t really show themselves in front of strangers.
Once we give others the impression of being introverted, we will be labeled as “honest”, “weak”, “stupid” and “inferiority complex” accordingly.
This is also the reason why many introverts can’t take off the order or integrate into the new environment, because they have attached a similar label to you in each other’s heart.
What we need to do is not to make ourselves extroverted, but to strive to change the inherent thinking of others about introverts.
It must be admitted that many times, due to their personality, introverts are difficult to become extroverts. They can change only after years of social exercise, but that makes no sense.
Each character has its own advantages. We don’t have to live in a certain mode.
If we want to make changes in the new environment or in communication with the opposite sex, we have to start from these aspects:
Grasp the opportunity to speak
Introverts not only don’t like to speak, but also fear that as soon as they speak, the occasion will fall into silence. This embarrassing atmosphere is undoubtedly the most lethal.
Therefore, for introverts, it is very important to grasp the timing of speaking. We can not interrupt others, but also fully reflect our sense of existence, so when to speak is particularly important.
Of course, there are different ways to enter the topic on different occasions, but generally, we can insert the topic in the way of “affirmation before expression”.
For example, when we discuss a problem together, after one person finishes, you can immediately say, “you’re right, I think…” In order to enter the topic discussion, this is not abrupt, but also allows the speaker to express a good impression of his own identity.
Exercise your narrative ability
Whether a person can speak or not, in fact, the key lies in whether the person can tell stories. A person who tells a good story must have very careful thinking and clear organization, so that people can be immersive after listening to it.
Such people, introverts actually have more advantages, because most introverts like to be alone and have a delicate mind, as long as they can express the story.
So introverts usually need to exercise their ability to tell stories. A person who can tell stories is far more popular than a person full of nonsense.
Here I suggest that we can use body movements, eyes and things around us to help reduce the mental pressure caused by the occasion, and better humanize our expression.
Introversion is a kind of character, not a defect. For introverts, this is not the fundamental reason why we have some disadvantages.
Everyone will gradually widen the gap in the face of life choices, and those who are left behind are not because they have not chosen, but because they have not changed.
Introversion has the advantage of introversion. What we need to do is to polish it, not deny it.
Whether you are extroverted or introverted, only 1% of what you can achieve in your life. 99% actually comes from whether you are willing to change.
In the emotional relationship, we can’t find the right partner, also not because we have defects, but because we don’t want to change!