Marriage encounters betrayal. For those who have been going all out to pay for marriage, it will indeed bring a kind of anger and heartache that is difficult to calm down. However, it is embarrassing to bear the pain to forgive and repair each other’s feelings in the face of this unacceptable reality.
A visitor said to me, “if I really want to divorce him, I’ll think about whether he meets that person again every time he comes home late. Then I can’t face him and my work and life normally for several days; but it seems that I can’t divorce again. I pay too much for him and my children can’t live without a complete family. It’s so tired.”
It is not easy to recover a relationship that hurts yourself, so like the feelings encountered by the visitor, a large number of people who forgive betrayal may have experienced it.
Forgiving betrayal is no longer just to repair each other’s feelings, no longer to manage the marriage well with action, but also the process of one person’s growth and driving another person’s growth.
One might say:
He betrayed his feelings. I still want to grow up, and then I do more for him, so that he can hurt me more unscrupulously? He is the one who betrays his feelings and hurts his family. If he wants to grow, he also needs to grow. Why do I need to grow.
The North Soviet Union understands and agrees with the original intention of these two ideas. It can also be said that it allows itself to grow in the feeling of forgiving betrayal, and allows itself to drive the other party to grow. Finally, it is also approaching the direction of “making the Betrayer aware of his problems and take positive actions”.
Then, through self growth and self repair in a way, we can drive each other to repair the feelings together and overcome the pain caused by betrayal. Finally, when we harvest a relatively happy and complete marriage and feelings, we benefit the whole family, which naturally includes the person who is betrayed and suffering.
（1） Why do you need to be betrayed to drive the Betrayer to make changes and actions?
In marriage, both husband and wife have the responsibility and obligation to pay for the marriage and to be loyal to each other. The betraying party must first be wrong. If he wants to return to the family, he must make changes, adjustments and efforts.
However, there will be another problem here. If a person betrays his feelings, it proves that he may not have enough awareness of marital responsibility, or his understanding of marriage is not distracted and mature enough. He may not have a completely clear understanding of what he should do and what he should not do when entering marriage.
If you give him all the tasks of repairing after forgiveness, it is likely that this repair will fail.
If you passively accept betrayal, you can change and act in two ways:
First: it will bring some changes to yourself, which may be emotional recovery, mental peace, attitude towards betrayal, or deeper understanding of feelings. These are not only helping your partner return to the family, but also repairing your feelings;