At that time when I just broke up, I was in a complex mood and forced myself to hate him, but I also expected that we might have another chance. At some moment, my mind will slide across his face. I often can’t control whether to continue to let my brain recall or cut off my thoughts immediately.
I long to see him and hope he will think of me occasionally. Fantasy maybe in the near future, we can still hand in hand, walk through the dormitory, walk through the canteen, sit on the playground, watch the sunset and talk about daily life. After all, being with him is how many nights I expect to fall in love and how many times I say “I will always be”. These sweet moments make me mistakenly think they can last forever.
After all, once I really liked him, he appeared in my world like the white moonlight in my heart. As long as I saw him, I could always save a lot of unhappiness. But in the end, I was disappointed and drifted away.
Maybe it’s because of my first love, so that after breaking up, in addition to coming out of this relationship and destroying the romantic love I’ve always dreamed of, I need to go from fairy tales to reality. How many times do I lie in bed, close my eyes and think I won’t be immersed in it all the time. In order to let myself out, I cut off all his contact information, deleted all his circle of friends and photo albums, and reminded my roommate not to mention any love stories like me.
If this method belongs to escape, it does work. I slowly began to return to my own world. My roommates went shopping, organized groups, group discussions and friends’ gatherings. It turned out that life without love could be very interesting. But I found that once in a while I heard some information about him, I would still go back to the past and fall into memories. But only occasionally, yes, only — occasionally.
Until I met him on campus not long ago, I finally had the answer in my heart. That day, my friend touched my arm and said excitedly, “it looks like your ex boyfriend in front.” With my head down, I immediately looked up at him and hurried away, but my eyes kept looking at him. The boy who used to shine in my eyes seems to be dimmed now.
The boy I like should be the smiling and sunny boy who met for the first time in my memory, and the boy who will be very careful and gentleman when getting along. It turns out that what I can’t let go is the beautified him in my mind, not the one after breaking up, let alone the one now. The boy used to be him, but now he is not.